I'm in the wonderful city of Chicago. It's a beautiful city that I have to come back to.
It's been an interesting trip so far.
I started my trip hungover, having not slept, and having cried with sean for hours. Sean wrote me a letter that I will have to quote later, but i read it before driving away as instructed. Everything he said in it was perfect and sweet, and after i read it I drove away crying and it was the hardest thing to do. After weeks of partying with sean and with friends constantly, I was suddenly alone, driving away from it all. It was a rough first day followed by a uncomfortable night were I slept in a motel with my pepper spray clenched in hand.
Today was 1000 times better. Funny story:
This morning traffic was at a dead stop on I-90 west. People were out of their cars walking around and it was soo hot out. I was sweating so I grabbed my swimsuit top from the back and put it on under my shirt and then took my bra then shirt off. much cooler. So i was parked next to this motorcyclist, who had his radio on the trucker frequency, loud. All the sudden I hear one of the truckers announce to the others across the radio, "Guys take a look at the right lane, theres a pretty lil blond in a blue suv with maryland tags who just got down to her bikini, let's all be sure to give her a honk when she passes by" they were talking about me!! The motorcycle guy and i just looked at eachother and shook our heads. i was floored, it was so unbelievable!
Also I got to crash here in chicago with my friend collin, no sketch hotel tonight!
I miss Sean so much.
Days before I left, Sean and I were laying around and listening to music and he put on grateful dead's looks like rain. That song hit him hard with the fact that we had little time left together. It was a Tough night for us. Sean and I both lived in imperfect worlds, homes that smothered us and that we were unhappy in. Together, our worlds made a perfect one.
His status tonight was: The covers were still warm where you'd been laying
...which is from the song he played.
That night last week i didn't pay attention to the lyrics, tonight I looked them up and realized that we're living them.
I woke today, and felt your side of bed
The covers were still warm where you'd been layin'
You were gone, my heart was filled with dread
You might not be sleeping here again
It's all right, 'cause I love you
And that's not gonna change
Run me round, make me hurt again and again
But I'll still sing you love songs
Written in the letters of your name
And brave the storm to come
For it surely looks like rain
Did you ever waken to the sound of street cats making love
And guess from their cries you were listening to a fight
Well you know, hate's just the last thing they're thinking of
They're only trying to make it through the night
I only want to hold you, I don't want to tie you down
Or fence you in the lines I might have drawn
It's just that I have gotten used to having you around
My landscape would be empty if you were gone
It's all right, 'cause I love you
And that's not gonna change
Run me round, make me hurt again and again
But I'll still sing you love songs
Written in the letters of your name
And brave the storm to come
For it surely looks like rain
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