Mingling

Last night at corbin's, griffin confronted me as I was leaving. He was like "I know it hasn't been the same [between us] since you've been back and I just really miss you and I want to be with you. I don't know where you're at but I want us to be together and I to see you more." I've been avoiding him because he wants me to go back to being his unofficial girlfriend, meanwhile i've moved on. Even though he;s an overall great guy, he's lazy and dopey and i have found a guy who will treat me like I deserve. I feel bad because griffin has been my strong link to the pikes and they all like him so I feel like I'm hurting all of them by hurting him. I worry that they may not feel as favorably about me when they all figure out the situation. I really want to be friends with griff because I do care about him a lot. But whenever I'm around him he always tries to be all intimate with me so I end up having to avoid him hardcore. And I have not flat out told Griffin 'Hey, let's just be friends'. Because he asked me I told Scott, one of the pikes I've know for a while, that Griffin and I are just friends. I have told Corbin, one of my closest pike friends and also one of griffin's closest friends, that I am dating someone. I don't know when or if this information has already traveled to Griffin. It's a lil messy situation.

Meanwhile I have been on a few dates with this guy, Colin, who I met through my roommate. Colin is a gorgeous and sweet pikapp. We went on a short date to a mexican cafe and i didn't get the vibe that he was really into me. So afterwards I texted our mutual friend katelyn saying just that^. So later that night I hung out with him at the pikapp house and it was the same issue! He didn't put his hand on my waist or leg or hand or any contact really. So it really surprised me when he texted me the next day and said he really wanted to see me and that he'd text me after work so i could meet up with him and his friends at a party. So I met up with him and finally  he snapped into it and started acting like he legit liked me. So I had the choice to either stay at pikapp or get a ride home but I felt that it was safe to stay with him so i did. It turns out that after I left the pikapp house the night before Colin texted katelyn the same thing I texted her. However, unlike meee, she had texted him back saying that I had said the same thing. He told me that after that he decided he would just go for it. We both started trying to blame the other for being the hardest to read on the previous days lol. Anyhow there must be a catch with him, he always texts me, after seeing me, a thank you for hanging out and he's really sweet. Today, he even came to my work and ordered an ice cream just to talk to me for a few minutes since we both have no time to see the other tonight. After he left Alyssa was like "good job! he's hot!" But he's a fratboy and they have game so they're really good at making girls feel like they are more important than they actually are to them. I'm skeptical, but enjoying it while it lasts. Sean turned out not to be too good to be true but he's the exception, not the rule. 

About Sean....

I'm not giving up Sean for Colin. The way I see it is I'm going to have fun because that's who I am. If something good comes along I should explore the possibilities of that. If Sean and I don't survive the separation and I hadn't gone out with Colin, I would have looked back and wished that I had said yes when Colin asked me out. Right now the status' of each relationship don't conflict, but of course if one doesn't fall through I am going to have to do something tough. Even though Colin is really great, I wouldn't give up sean for him or anyone right now. Sean and I never pause in conversation and we are connected in some other way and on some other level. To put it primitively, if i were to cry around sean he would know how to be there for me, but I don't think colin would. It sounds like a ridiculous way to judge a relationship. But when some one you know cries, 99% of the time your not going to know exactly how to console that person. Its a intimate number of people that we know we could be that person for. I can count on one hand the number of people whose presence is comforting to me when I am bawling my eyes out. And sean is on that hand. 

Pike Love

On my last night in Colorado my pike friend Corbin said to me "Hey i'll never forget you, i'm keeping you here (and patted his chest) because I know you'll keep me there too"

They are my rock.

they are like my family here.

Leaving them in january was so hard ,it is still painful to have done so and to have missed so much time with them. A few of them graduated last spring and moved out of fort collins. So even though I have been back I haven't seen those few, specifically tim and john/booby. I love them so much. 

One morning last december, I stayed over griffins as usual and when i walked out into the living room, john/booby says "hey rachael isn't that the same thing you were wearing last night?!!" and they all chimed in like yeah, yeah i think it is. lol. and griffin's bro had his car so griff asked tim if he could use his car to take me home, and tim dramatically paused and griff jokingly adds "your not going to make her walk are you?!" and they all start shouting SHAAAME, WALK OF SHAAAME, SHAAAME! But then they all got up and piled into tim's car just to come along with griff to drop me off and when they had done so and i was walking into my building they were all shouting bye rachael byeeee!! 

Tim has told me numerous times you ever need me just call, if any one messes with you or anything else I'm there! 

They would have my back in any situation.

Last night:

Corbin invites me over to his house for a small keg party and it was just the core pikes with some random girls here and there so like 30 people. I'm walking to the backyard and the first face I see is griff's. Then I here "no shit it can't be" and I look up and see tim! He gave me a good, big, hug and I just held on so tight I was infinitely glad to see him. And then john/booby walks up right next to Tim and opens his arms and I hugged him just as tight. And we stood there catching up and they havent changed a bit. Booby stood there with chew in his lip while tim double fisted whiskey and coke. they said they were so glad I was back and after 7 long months of missing my surrogate family it felt so good to see them. I hold them in such high esteems I guess its a little unrealistic. When I'm not with them, I wish I was with them. It's a type of childish adoration, but it's because when I first came to colorado as a freshman, they were the boys who were always there and still are. It's sad because john lives in Denver and tim lives in the springs and it will never be the same as always having them in the next room or just a block away. But i know no matter what they've always got me and I have them.

Along with seeing them again I had already seen the pikes I know and they all said the same thing it's great to have you back. It's cool because i'm still meeting new pikes and becoming friends with them. And it's not just that I feel at ease with them, it's that they go out of their way to make me feel at ease when i'm with them. That's what being a pike is all about and that's why i love them.

Living the High Life

I look back on the dark months that i went through... flunking out of school , saying goodbye to the friends that became like family , leaving Colorado , commuting from home , being caged up with my parents , spending weekends alone...

I remember thinking about how purely and deeply unhappy I was and holding on to the thought that months from then I would be back where I belonged, in Colorado, and most of all that I would be truly happy again. 

 And now, I'm sitting here, so happy I can't put it to words. I am working, partying, dating,  laughing, and finally living.

My friend alyssa got me a job in an ice cream shop, I am making money, I will get a paycheck this week, it's such a great feeling. My life has stability and purpose. I have a reason to get up every morning because I know every day is in my hands, not my parent's, not the school system's, and not the police's. I make my happiness each and every day. There is no feeling better than this. 

Working It Out

I have met with a lawyer at csu. Afterwards I went to the Police Dept. to pay the bond for my warrant. Turns out... I don't have a warrant out for my arrest!! I guess I slipped through the cracks or something.


I am going to counseling today to try and figure out how I can mend the relationship with my parents. They aren't talking to me and my mom told me she doesn't want to see or talk to me until things are better. 

Ram's pointe pool party was the shit. I ended up seeing a lot of people I hadn't yet. 

Candace and Chris were here on saturday night. It was just so good to see them. I believe that through collin, sean, and candace... God and fate are showing me that no matter the distance I will never lose those I love and where I am from. I feel like this reinforces that I have made the right decision to move out here. I am growing as a person, and in the new relationships I am creating.

The boyfriend that I broke up with six months ago when I left colorado... there's nothing there anymore. At all. There's no comparison when it comes to sean anyhow.

Also, the guy that I almost started dating last year but found out he was sleeping with another girl I knew... Asked me out on a date yesterday. I said no, closure is pretty sweet.

Sean and I skype every few days. I miss him incredibly. I'm not someone who says what they're feeling and I don't really ever know how to put what I'm feeling into words... but some how Sean always says what I'm feeling. For instance, whenever I don't see sean on skype or hear his voice for a few days I start feeling pretty lost but I would never think to tell him. It didn't surprise me when he pinpointed pretty much exactly how I was feeling when we were talking about our plans to skype " I just feel empty when I don't see you or hear you in a day or two "

Last friday he waited for me to get back from a party, stayed up until 5 a.m. est, just to skype with me until 7 a.m. I really just want to start making money so that I can fly home to see him. It seems crazy to fly home to see someone I have known for less than two months, but like I've said, I feel that I have found what everyone searches for and it would be silly to let that go. Everyday with out him is so painful but then he reminds me that it's one day closer to seeing him and i start to breathe again. I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing guy but I am so blessed to have him. 

Take the Bad With the Good

It's pretty obvious I am not a fan of my parents. I don't call them unless I have to discuss something with one of them. My mom called me out on that yesterday. She got all butt hurt. I gave no sympathy. I appreciate my parents and what they have done for me. I love my parents. I don't like my parents. When I think of them I fell dread, distain, angry, and annoyed. my mom said " please don't come home until things are different between us. It hurts too much." Talk about a kick in the stomach. This is exactly why I don't like talking to them, I am perfectly happy and then they ruin it. I just want to take care of me. I love my extended family but for some reason recently, I have no desire to talk to my sister, my mom, or my dad. I want to have a good relationship with them and be all happy with them but I'm like resent my parents and am bored of my sister I don't know why. I know I'm being awful but for some reason I don't care and it's almost purposeful. 

Things are kind of coming together, I have several job applications out and I'm meeting with a lawyer on monday to discuss the warrant for my arrest. I'm kind of afraid, what if he is obligated to turn me in? 

Thank god for the weekend i'm going to drink and rage all this bullshit away!

B.O.B and Sean Kingston are performing at CSU on the fields tonight!! Can't wait! And then tomorrow is the rams pointe pool party, which is basically like something you would see on mtv's spring break. It gets crazyyy! Here's a video from last year's party:

It's gonna be siiick. Then tomorrow night my friend Candace is going to be here!!! She's on her way back to hereford from vegas so it's going to be crazy to have one of my friends from home actually be here! So excited. 

Remember To Be Thankful

Last night I dreamt that my mom was screaming at me and throwing things and taking my car away.

 I woke up thinking about how unbelievably thankful i am that i don't live with my with my parents anymore, thankful that they are 1500 miles away.

Best Day

Today has been amazing. I applied for jobs. My friend regina just got back in town. I finally got my bed!!! no more airmattress! My room is finally a home.
Lindsey, my bestie is back and having a party tonight! And as I was waiting at a stoplight a guy was looking around and did a double back and smiled at me, not a "i want your bod" smile but a sweet "hi, your pretty" smile. And I realized how unbelievably happy i am. There is no place I would rather be right now than in the town of fort collins. I am so deep down, unbelievably, blissfully happy I started to cry because I haven't felt that way since i was here 6 months ago. I have been so unhappy and depressed at my core for the last 6 months in maryland and now i feel like myself again. Sean was a big part of my happiness today too, as usual. Because, on top of all these wonderful things, he just said some really amazing things to me. He does that every day but today it was especially amazing:
When I told him I got my bed he said he couldn't wait to lay in it and how much he loved when I stayed over his house and we woke up and talked and cuddled and his favorite part was that it felt like i lived there. He said he thinks about me all day long every day and then he told me its safe to say that he's alll about me.  And how every day gets better because its one day sooner that he'll get to be with me. And that no matter what he's not going anywhere. He's there for good. He'll wait for me for as long as he has to.


I just want to keep this day, when my house became a home. When my best friend had her first party on what would have been a plain week night. When i got smiled at by strangers. When the guy im involved with is promising himself and therefore the world to me. When im in the town i love the most. When I couldn't be happier. I want to keep this day.

Home, Sweet Home

I made it to fort collins. On the drive in I blasted all the songs I havent been able to listen to since February because they would make me to sad. I truly feel I am where I belong. 

I moved in. I bought my bed which will be delivered monday. I have not seen anyone because i've been so busy. I have so much to do. I have to find a doctor. I have to find a gynecologist. I have to meet with a lawyer. I have to turn myself in or something along those lines. I have to get a job. 

Sean and I skyped for over an hour yesterday. It was so good to see him. I am so grateful to have met such an amazing person. He makes every day bright. My transition back to fort collins has been much easier because of him. It's always hard leaving hereford and by texting with him every day and seeing his face it reminds me that even though I'm far away and living independently I am still present in so many lives. 

Looks Like Rain

I'm in the wonderful city of Chicago. It's a beautiful city that I have to come back to. 

It's been an interesting trip so far.

I started my trip hungover, having not slept, and having cried with sean for hours. Sean wrote me a letter that I will have to quote later, but i read it before driving away as instructed. Everything he said in it was perfect and sweet, and after i read it I drove away crying and it was the hardest thing to do. After weeks of partying with sean and with friends constantly, I was suddenly alone, driving away from it all. It was a rough first day followed by a uncomfortable night were I slept in a motel with my pepper spray clenched in hand.

Today was 1000 times better. Funny story:

This morning traffic was at a dead stop on I-90 west. People were out of their cars walking around and it was soo hot out. I was sweating so I grabbed my swimsuit top from the back and put it on under my shirt and then took my bra then shirt off. much cooler. So i was parked next to this motorcyclist, who had his radio on the trucker frequency, loud. All the sudden I hear one of the truckers announce to the others across the radio, "Guys take a look at the right lane, theres a pretty lil blond in a blue suv with maryland tags who just got down to her bikini, let's all be sure to give her a honk when she passes by" they were talking about me!! The motorcycle guy and i just looked at eachother and shook our heads. i was floored, it was so unbelievable!

Also I got to crash here in chicago with my friend collin, no sketch hotel tonight!

I miss Sean so much.

Days before I left, Sean and I were laying around and listening to music and he put on grateful dead's looks like rain. That song hit him hard with the fact that we had little time left together. It was a Tough night for us. Sean and I both lived in imperfect worlds, homes that smothered us and that we were unhappy in. Together, our worlds made a perfect one.  

His status tonight was: The covers were still warm where you'd been laying

...which is from the song he played. 

That night last week i didn't pay attention to the lyrics, tonight I looked them up and realized that we're living them.

I woke today, and felt your side of bed

The covers were still warm where you'd been layin'

You were gone, my heart was filled with dread

You might not be sleeping here again

It's all right, 'cause I love you

And that's not gonna change

Run me round, make me hurt again and again

But I'll still sing you love songs

Written in the letters of your name

And brave the storm to come

For it surely looks like rain

Did you ever waken to the sound of street cats making love

And guess from their cries you were listening to a fight

Well you know, hate's just the last thing they're thinking of

They're only trying to make it through the night

I only want to hold you, I don't want to tie you down

Or fence you in the lines I might have drawn

It's just that I have gotten used to having you around

My landscape would be empty if you were gone

It's all right, 'cause I love you

And that's not gonna change

Run me round, make me hurt again and again

But I'll still sing you love songs

Written in the letters of your name

And brave the storm to come

For it surely looks like rain

80521

I just said goodbye to sean. We laid and cried together for hours. It was the hardest goodbye of my life. To have someone that you know in your heart is right for you and to walk away from them by forced choice is torture and unnatural. 

My heart is broken and Im going on the greatest adventure of my life.

Goodbye Prince Charming

My dating history is similar to the life of a gypsy. Every relationship I have been in has ended because of leaving. 

1. Josh- went away to college
2. Stuart- I left for college
3. Jordan- long distance didn't work 
4. Drew- I went back to maryland for summer
5. Griffin- I went back to maryland at the end of winter semester
6. Sean- I'm going back to colorado

I've never gotten to experience a real relationship that has a beginning, middle, and an end, because I'm always leaving. We date person after person in hopes of stumbling upon that one guy, our prince charming, or as close to a prince charming as we can find. I was so lucky as to find mine.

Last week sean took me out to a really nice restaurant, he's the only guy to have done that since my first boyfriend. And when I thanked him he said you deserve it and much more. He treats me like I deserve to be treated. Everyone searches for their perfect match, and I feel like I have found mine for now. I guess if it was really meant to be we would be on the same geographical path, but still... I have found what every person hopes to find, and now I have to let him go and it's my own doing because It's my choice to go back to colorado. We are perfect, we sit together looking at each other and as im thinking how did I get so lucky to find such a perfect guy he asks "how are you so perfect?"

People revolve their lives around finding someone like I have. It feels wrong to walk away from this. But it feels wrong not to go back. 

Topsy Turvy

It's been a while. I've been partying like usual, plenty of amazing stories. However, right now there's a bigger story.


I don't know if i ever fully explained it but here's the reader's digest version. I got kicked out of colorado state university January 8th 2011. January 13th I packed up my things said goodbye to my boyfriend and colorado. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to a single one of my friends. I swore I would go back there. It feels like home and it's where i belong. 


These past months, although they've been fun, they've been painful. I got a job and signed a year long lease in fort collins colorado where my school is. I am beyond excited to go back in 7 days. It's a tiny bit bittersweet because in order to afford school i've decided to become a colorado resident which i think requires that i not leave the state for a whole year. Which will be by far the longest i will have every been away from friends, family, and maryland. 


There's more. I met someone... we met at a party of course, almost two weeks ago. We spend every other day together because he works full time as do I and we live 45 minutes from each other. We're serious and have been since we met, which we know is crazy. His name is sean. There is nothing wrong with him. He is gorgeous, fun, sweet, nice. He is the perfect guy. He is confident but not cocky and honest and truthful about us. He appreciates me for who I am and visa versa. We're both wild and have been through the same thing this past year. 


What we have is unlike any relationship i have ever had with any other person. It's nauseating and better than any romance movie I've seen (save the notebook obvi). Here's what it's like... we sit around in parks and talk. We party at night, we go to shows. We hang out with each others friends. At night and in the mornings we lay there for hours talking and just looking (get ready to barf) into each others eyes b/c we both have capturing blue eyes and can't get over how pretty the other's are. He tells me what no one has told me before -he is 'glad my parents are over protective, they should be, because they have such an amazing daughter they need to protect from anything and anyone' we tell each other your perfect. We tell each other things that I and he have never shared with anyone else. He tells me I'm amazing and not to ever change on a daily basis. We recognize the amount of kindness and compassion the other is capable of and because of that we show it in how we treat each other. The sad part is that two weeks ago we were strangers and in 7 days we will be again.


I'm not some silly fairy tale girl who hasn't seen many relationships and learned that the mushy stuff is bullshit. I have experienced the ups, downs, and painful lessons. but this is unlike anything i've ever had with someone, being so physically, mentally, and emotionally intune with another. We both acknowledge that even though we don't get to be together much longer, we are glad we met because this relationship (though short) has opened our eyes and will allow us to let more happiness into our futures. I bet i wont even remember him in ten years. What's two weeks? nothing

...and everything

Irony

I would like to reiterate the situation i described in my last post so you all can see how ironic these past few days have been. 

Monday, My parents found my liquor -all 8 bottles. 

Tuesday, I was given the ultimatum to either quit my job or move out and buy my own car. 

I chose to move out and buy a car for the purpose of remaining financial secure for my move to colorado.

Wednesday, I was fired.

Thursday, Spa in the Valley Salon called me and asked me to come in for an interview monday. 

(I applied to the spa back in february)

As usual, what you see is not what you get with me. So I have not told my parents that i got fired, so that i can stay out past my new 1am curfew. While my parents thought I was working Thursday, my friends threw a party in honor of my unemployment. 

Tonight's agenda: Bachelor Party

Sorry For Partying, Mom & Dad

My dad wakes me up this morning "This is not a conversation I'm telling you and your listening. You have a 1am curfew. You will quit your job at the rec room next week. If you refuse to do this you will not live here. You can live somewhere else but you will not keep the car"

I accept the 1am curfew that is a valid and fair reaction to what they found. However, telling me I have to quit my job is unacceptable. I will not sacrifice my financial security for them. I am moving to colorado in less than two months and I cannot afford to quit my job. My friend Ashley (from the nine west bar post) has an apartment within walking distance from my work. She is talking to her mom tonight and more than likely I will be living there. The part I dislike most is that I have to buy a car. I don't want to have to spend that money but i don't really have a choice. The area I live in may be safe and country, but it's not far from the city with the nations largest crime rate. So tomorrow i am going to see a car in a sketchy area from sketchy people. Party on.

Unflasked!

My parents found my alcohol while I was at work. My UV cake, disarono, soco, and shmirinoff, are all gone. Fuck them. Are you kidding me. Not okay. 

My parents are not chill. Four years ago I lied to my parents about sleeping over a friends house so I could hang out with my other friends all night. And even though I'm twenty, and in college, they still don't let me sleep over people's houses. Yes I am still being punished doing something perfectly legal when I was sixteen!! 

My stance in my argument with them will be. . .  i am twenty. All my friends are twenty-one so whats the problem. I understand being angry that i have it in the house...i guess? I'm moving out in less than two months what can they say about this. If I want to spend my money on alcohol that I occasionally drink with my friends thats my choice. 

My grandmother was an alcoholic and so my mom's going to be all emotional. My dad will be an asshole about it no doubt. I'm betting the car will be some sort of bargaining tool or punishment. I've already hidden the keys. They didn't find my bottle of everclear thank god... then they'd be really freaked out lol.

I'm so mad a few days ago alls i had in there was shmirnoff and it would have been a lot easier to explain. 

I'll let you know how it goes.

Friend Or Foe

I'm at my friend's house party. My best friend is of course here too. We we all have that best friend.. the one that is sorta the mothering type. The friend that my parents love and I can always count on her to look out for me no matter what.
Anyhow, I have a few best friends. This best friend formentioned (Jenn), was like a sister to one of my other best friends, Chelsea. In the past year they have grown apart, fought, and now (in the past few weeks) have forgiven each other and become friends again. I am in my friends room blogging while others are party because A) Jenn and Jordan just ripped Chelsea a new one (though she is not present) and B) I'm really drunk.
Chelsea recently forgave Jenn for being a really really bad friend. Chelsea lives two hours away and so she's never here to hear Jenn amd Jordan bash her. Jenn had been crying every weekend since last August because she missed Chelsea being her friend. This is why I'm mad: She misses Chelsea, but she will bash her like only an enemy would at parties. I am so mad because Jenn is and should be greatful that Chelsea forgave her but she just called Chelsea a whore and volunteered information about Chelsea losing her virginity TO THE WHOLE PARTY. She just forgave you and this is how you act?! What kind of friend are you?!
When she's sober she's okay, but when she's drunk I hate her. I'm so glad I'm moving to Colorado. Between now and then I don't know how I feel about her as a "best friend" anymore.

A Change In The Status Quo

I was driving home from work tonight at 3am and my phone rang... strange. It was Katie... from colorado and she had some unpleasant news. Katie is my friend from CSU that I am supposed to be living with next semester, along with two other girls. This is what she said: The parents that own the house we are living in decided to go with the 3 person capacity rule or something. Basically they had been avoiding giving her a lease and sent her an email today telling her that since they have three people on the lease (including me) that they are no longer offering her a place in the house. WTF. 

Let me just explain how rediculous this is. They kicked katie out of the house. Katie and the two girls are in the same sorority at CSU. Katie is the only person I knew in this house. I don't know these two girls. I am moving across the country into a house with people i've never met nor have any contact with. They kicked out their sorority sister to let in a stranger? Bizarre.

My stomach is in knots. Living with katie was going to give me a strong tie to all my friends from december and before that and to the university. I'm going in blind. I feel so bad for her too, she is out on her ass. The only comfort I can find is the idea that everything happens for a reason and that it will all be okay. For some reason this was all supposed to happen. For some reason.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

June 3rd

A couple of friends and I went to the ballgame. We all met at the lightrail to pregame with some creamsicles. From there we went to camden yards, some of the guys who were of age decided to hit up Pickles pub before the game. Before we got to the gate I got a text from one of them, the pub wasn't carding. We headed over. 

 

We were having so much fun at pickles we forgot about the game. Eventually around the 5th inning the girls headed into the ballpark. I parted ways with the guys and joined the girls around the 8th inning. I remember going through security, with my flask of Everclear well hidden but i never bought a ticket. Nobody, including me, knows how i got in to the game. I wish I could say we won on top of all that buttt we didn't lol We ended the night with a little after party and begun the morning with a big hangover. Let's go O's!

Update.

Lacy never came home.

Lacy

1995-2011

We are supposed to put my cat down today. 

 last week lacy looked the same and as good as she did ten years ago. you can tell by the picture below what a healthy, beautiful cat she was. A few days ago she came home not walking very well and stopped eating. It's strange, even though she can barely walk she disappears every day for a few hours deep into the woods. Part of me says that if she can still romp around in the woods its not her time. But when I see her barely able to walk and dragging her tail i know she no longer has the energy to live the life that a cat should. 

Lacy, less than 2 months ago

Lacy is my cat, we got her before I started kindergarten. She slept in my bed every night for thirteen years. She came from a farm so she's an indoor and outdoor car and she's extremely healthy, she's not fat or lazy. She doesn't bite or swipe or hiss. Lacy is the sweetest cat i have ever met, she's even good with grabby babies and toddlers. She's not all up in your face, she does her thing but enjoys attention. We have three pet's, lacy we got first, my dog we got two years later, and my bird a few years after that. Our animals have grown up with us. It's hard to say goodbye after 15 and a half years. We're losing a member of the family. 

Our appointment with the vet wis for 1:30. However, Lacy has disappeared into the woods like she does daily. So we have to cancel the appointment to put her to sleep since we can't find her. I think the fact that we can't find her is meant to be. She's been gone longer than usual. She may show up any minute. But it is my hope, that she does not show up, I hope that she leaves us naturally, on her own terms. It would feel so wrong for her to die on a metal table and to bring her body home and bury her. she has been such an amazing companion that she deserves to die peacefully on her own out in the woods. 

Serial Partier

Finally we are up to speed. The past three days have been ah-maze-ing. Thurday was in the high 80s ~ a perfect pool day. Katie invited me and about 10 other people to layout and drink. It was mad hot, the water was ice cold, and so were the margaritas.

Things got real drunk real fast, but Katie had to leave for a family dinner so we decided to reconvene later that night at "frotch"/justin's new house. apparently justin had just bought a house and it needed to be broken in with a little party action.
I was hungover by 8pm and only too ready to drink it away.

As soon as I walk in I meet one of the guy's sisters and she is soo wasted. She is going on and on about being bicurious and asks all of us if we'r bicurious or willing to experiment hahaha. Later she mad ralphed and was carried home. Earlier justin and i had been talking and he said he didn't want the party to get too huge b/c he had new carpets and pussy shit. So he gives us the tour of the house, and as he's showing us the "master bedroom" my beer slips out of my hand. I felt horrible!! I could tell he was pissed, but he didn't let it show. Around 2 we ended up getting kicked out (which i dont remember) simply because justin was about to vom and didnt want the girls to witness it. I am told that he got up for work the next morning got sick and then passed out again and totally missed work. Sorry for partying, frotch :)

Friday Night
Friday was our friend david's birthday at jeremy's house.
It started out as most jeremy's parties do, with the usual crowd. Suddenly the normal crowd turned into thirty people we had never partied with. There were strange backwoods neighbors and their tatted up wives, at least fifteen hardcore rednecks, eighteen year old girls.. it was definitely diverse! People started raging over at the pool, throwing people in smoking, doing whatever. here's how the farmer's wife with two complete tatt sleeves made her drinks: A cup of vodka with a little bit of koolaid powder.. bad. ass. There were two sport-coolers of jungle juice, people started straight drinking from them. Once they were empty, my friend laura helped a hick pour a handle of vodka in and then they added their little bit of koolaid mix. so now, they were basically guzzling  shots! And here's what came of that:

 his original objective was to smash the beer canI don't know if even college life is enough preparation to keep up with the farmers on a friday night.


Early Saturday I laid by the pool at my friend Lee's. We weren't out long before a storm rolled in and so did the texts. ALL day I was texting with no joke over ten people about plans for the night. There were ragers going on. Normal for college, not normal for a small town. Erica was a year younger and some of my friends were going there, but Lee, Rachel, Kathleen, and I decided on Maggie's 21st birthday party. We arrive and walk towards her backyard. "o shit" we were overlooking her backyard, this was going to be crazy. the steep hill, lined with tiki torchs, lead down to the party. There were three areas, a bonfire, a pong table, and the dj booth/dance area all just chillin in a field. There were at least 75 people already there. It was like a hot high school reunion.. with all the losers out of the equation lol. 

We instantly buddied up with some old friends and got hit on by some new ones. I spotted Christine and went to say hi, she was sooo drunk. It was like 11 and she was already slurring, so she was VERY happy to see me lol. Rachel and I were walking back to my car to get my phone when we walked past two policemen walking down the hill. They didn't stop us thank god. We waited up top til they left, they were carding people. The first text message i opened on my phone was from Christine "Rachael there are cops RUN" haha so drunk, The cops came twice more after that. It was one of those nights when you just make a lot of new, hot, gorgeous friends. This was the only time i didn't mind getting hit on. We did our rounds and said our goodbyes, and as we were walking away one of the guys yelled "She was hot!" The perfect end to an amazing night. Rachel woke up the next day with my chapstick and her pepper spray in her pocket.. always a sign of a good night.
And as if 3 straight days of sunshine and liquor wasn't enough I recovered with two days of nothing but tanning, tv, and crabs. it's been a long time since life has been this good. 

Rapture

May 20th, 2011

Harold Camping predicted the day of rapture- the end of the world would be May 21st. Naturally, my friend Katie threw a party to celebrate crazy people everywhere and our last night on earth.It was the first big party of the summer. Everyone who we partied with last summer was there, along with some ex-cons carrying nitris balloons and the usual crashers. It was a great group of people lol

Playing Catch Up

I've been slacking on my blog. So to catch up...

My parents never found out about my house party. They suspected i would throw something but i didn't leave any evidence to give them any proof. A highlight of the party might sound silly, but we'r small town people so it is what it is. Rachel who works at a local resturaunt brought it's staple foods, their amazing fried chicken and sugar rolls. everybody's night was made. 
Also, I have an old friend, she's also my neighbor. Six years ago christine and I were best friends and then five years ago she told me she couldn't be friends with me because she was going to be friends with her soccer team. Ridiculous. in the last year she made an effort to reconnect. Obviously, with our history, I didn't jump to do the same. However, I invited her to my house party. She came and it was great to see her, things were a little stiff between us but still it was a start..

Bliss (bls) noun 1. Complete happiness; ecstasy.

Today I opened up my email.. mr. B emailed me a complete signed copy of my lease. IT IS OFFICIAL. I am moving to colorado in August. I have not felt so happy since January 11th, my last day in Colorado. No one can touch me. I am happy. I am happy.. I have not said that in so long. I am happy. I am so happy. 

Snow Day

October 2009

CSU had a snow day. It was the first snow day in 3 years. It was time to celebrate. Griffin texted me, they were all walking over to Booby's house to celebrate the snow day. Lindsey, Lindsay, and I headed over. 

It was your standard pike party, a keg, country music, dancing, drinking games.. as far as I could tell, everything that had ever been told to me about the pikes was a lie. They roofie girls, take advantage of you, they're jerks. Wrong. This was a bunch of guys that were dedicated to having as much fun as possible in any and all the ways they could think of. 

The guys all got dressed up in kiddy costumes and wore them all day , hilarious!

A funny story goes along with this day: Baca is one of the pikes, he's a short, wild mexican. This was the first time we met him. The Lindseys came up to me and told me that baca had tried to take them up to his room and they shut him down hard. They warned me he was being all weird and creepy. Griffin yelled at baca to go away, baca was so embarrassed..and drunk lol. baca was just being stupid, but for the longest time we all thought he was such a creep.
(Now a lot of girls hang around pike and though we were known by a few as regulars, the entire frat didn't really know me by name until sophomore year) This winter Baca came up to me at a pike party and confessed that he had been afraid to talk to me up til now. He explained, he remembered the snow day when we first met him and he said that he had been so drunk and knew he had weirded us out so he was embarrassed to talk to me til then. then he was like im going to friend you on fb! It was so funny and so cute.


And to make the snowday even better.. later that night we went to our first of 4 halloween parties 

Viva la Rachael!

It has started.
My week of freedom. 

My eyes shot open at 3 O'clock, and I lay there until they whispered their goodbyes into my ears. My parents have gone to california for a whole week.
Before they left, my mom signed the lease for the house I will be sharing with my friend katie and 2 other girls in fort collins, colorado. Perfect ...now i can throw a party.
After they left. I got up. Walked around, and made noise. there was no one to wake up. It feels so good. 
 I can't wait til friday. All my friends are coming over . . Swimming at the cliffs . Snowballs . Jello shots . Pong . Just good weather, good people, and drinking . 

I can finally breath.

Sorry For Partying, Rec Room

Tigerfest was this friday. Tigerfest is a annual towson university event, basically it's a day dedicated to drinking. There's also a concert, this year it was real big fish and far east movement.
Drinking started at 2.
I walked into my friend ashley's apartment as ashley and her friend were each giving lap dances to a guy, kk was awkwardly sitting nearby -poor girl. Each girl had already finished a bottle of wine themselves. After hanging around the apartments a bit we decided to go to rec room, everyone else could legally drink but me so I was just gonna go along for fun. At this point I had had 2 glasses of wine, two cups of everclear drank, and a shot. So we walk in and the bouncer, recognizes me and offers me a wrist band, of course I'm not gonna refuse. The outside patio was poppin. I went up to the bar and tell the bartender he does not have to serve me if he's not cool with it. He serves me. The music was blasting, it was a gorgeous day, outside patio packed wall-to-wall with towson students, and im living it up with my friends.
...Then it gets a bit hazy.
I had, a blue hawaiian and a vodka and cranberry. I don't remember if i had anything else. The next thing I do remember is laying in the fetal position on the toilet seat..yes it's possible lol. To add an interesting twist to the evening, two girls in the stall next to me started having sex.

Someone had complained to the bouncers about the scissor girls and the bouncers came in and told the girls to get the fuck out. The girls weren't making moves so I get up on the toilet and belligerently yell "I work here, get out!" The bouncer gets a cop to get the girls out and my friend kk stepped up on the toilet, and she too told them to roll out and the lesbian swings up and punches her in the face. Kk lunged back at the girl, thankfully the stall was in the way. A cop came in so we jetted. We either left or got kicked out i don't know exactly which. We, then, went back to Kk's apartment, regrouped, and went to a rager. It was pretty crowded for a towson party, the only downer was having to pitch but it was sweet none the less. I don't know what hour we got back, I have no concept of time from that day. We never made it to tigerfest lol.

I woke up this morning with a raging hangover and the first thought that came to mind was "Oh fuck! I got kicked out of work and my friend got punched by a lesbo!" I got so much shit at work tonight it was horrible. On a side note.. I got to see Ballyhoo at work tonight, pretty sweet. Anyhow, most of the staff didn't give a fuck, they just poked mad fun at me. However, one of the bar tenders was livid at me and told me i was lucky i still had a job and if i ever pulled such shit again "we'd have real problems".

...SORRY FOR PARTYING REC ROOM ;)

Dumb Blond With A Full Plate

I have a lot on my plate. I have work every week. I have class and homework every week. I have three papers going on right now. As if college isn't already challenging enough here's what's going on beyond that..


Moving To Colorado In August
1. Will my parents sign the car over to me?
2. How will they react?
3. I need to find a job for august in fort collins ahead of time some how


Finding Somewhere to Live in Colorado
1. My friend alyssa in colorado offered to be my roommate next year.
The landlord wouldn't approve my application because my mip
2. Now possibly rooming with both my friends katie and alyssa
3. Landlords are still an issue
4. Everything is up in the air


My M.I.P.
1. Got a bullshit MIP this past fall
2. Had to move back to maryland before community service and alcohol classes were completed
3. Trying to transfer the court paperwork so i can do the classes and service
4. My parents have no idea this ever happened, trying to keep it that way
5. the allotted time to complete the community service and classes has expired
6. Will I be arrested upon returning to colorado?
7. Will i be fined? can I afford a fine?


My classes
1. I'm kinda failing i think


work
1. Apparently I had to reapply to get my old summer job back now it might be too late
2. If its too late i can stay at my current job but my parents will freak out


So dealing with all of this along with the emotions that come with being pulled out of your school and halfway across the country against your will and not getting to say goodbye to any of your friends and having to break up with your boyfriend and start at a new school ...its a little hectic


On the upside.. I'm not pregnant or dying.. that's something to be thankful for.

Far from home, but close to the heart

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned twenty and celebrated with a birthday shot at work. In the morning my dad made eggs benedict, my favorite. After class, on a beautiful 80 degree day, I picked up crabs for dinner. I was a great day. My best friends called me, and so did griffin. It was nice to talk to all of them. Looking at my facebook wall this morning, I can't help but be sad. There's so many friends that I haven't been able to see in months in colorado and in maryland. There's all these friends that I miss so much and they are all over the country and I just want to be able to stand in front of them and hug them hello. I wish my arms stretched across the nation. It's clear, that no matter where I am I'll always be far away. I'll always miss my friends. I just want to be surrounded by those i love, but that's impossible.

Kegstand

October 2009

We were at a CSU home game with some of the pikes and after a few brutal hours of freezing our asses off we decide 'Fuck it, let's go drink!' 

Lindsay, Amanda, Allie, Lindsey

So we grabbed a few of our hallmates and went with the pikes to booby's house. I was really proud of my hallmates for ignoring the rumors about pike and coming along. When we got there it was your standard party, a keg, pikes, and the pike girls. Pike girls are usually girls that have a solid history of dating or sleeping with one or more pike guys, and close friends of said girls. One of these girls pulled me and the lindsay's aside early on and drunkenly warned us "Listen, don't be a cumdumpster! Pick one pike and make sure he's a good one." lol funniest advice to date.

Lindsay doing a kegstand

Here we did our first keg stands. This was not the type of kegstand were you count the seconds it was where you do push ups and drink for as many keg push up as you can. I got 14, and the rest is a blur lol

Party

Fall 2009
This one night we all went out in one big group, us, our friend alyssa, and all her friends. In this group of friends was shawn from my art class, and I was so excited because I had never talked to him but was hardcore crushing on him. One of my friends let my infatuation slip to him and that was it, we were making out all night. We dated for a bit after that but i didnt want a solid relationship, i just wanted to get wild and have fun. I still feel bad b/c he was such a sweetie. Anyhow this is the night we all went to the blacklight party.

Penis' and Jesus

Recently I've kinda reached my limit as far as men go. I'm Beyond tired of men. Working at a bar has its advantages but I am at the point where if another man asks for my number i will drop the motherfucker. Last weekend I worked Friday - monday. A guy asked me out every night, not including the guys on the way to work. I just got back from my date with Mr. Monday (Dan), who is def on the just-friends list. Mr. Friday (Marc) texted me this morning and he's going to come by work tonight. He's the only one from last weekend that I'm actually interested in, sorry nick, dan and whatshisname.


Great news!! I have a roommate for next year!! It's my friend alyssa from freshman year, I'm so excited. It's such a relief to have that done with. Now I just have to keep saving my money and find a job in foco.


Tomorrow is greek easter. its the first time in a few years that my whole family is going celebrate it together and that me and my sister are both home for. I'm so excited. But of course something has to go wrong, my uncle dean is in the hospital again for the first time in a the past 6 months :(


Happy Easter!!
Christos anesti!!